3 Things Nobody Tells You About Having Difficult Conversations
3 Things Nobody Tells You About Having Difficult Conversations
As expert problem solvers, we’re devoted to helping our clients feel in control of their business. That said, we know that one of the areas where it’s easy to feel anything but is when you have to not only carry out a challenging discourse with a team member, but keep it productive.
Difficult conversations get talked about a lot.
In fact, any quick trip around the internet will turn up numerous books on the topic - each with its own recommendations, strategies, and insights.
But in our experience, there are several things that don’t typically come up when people talk about the best ways to navigate tough exchanges. So in an effort to dispel certain myths around what it means to have a difficult conversation, we’d like to share those 3 things with you here.
#1 - If you’re having the same discussion over and over, you’re not having the real conversation.
Have you ever been stuck in a conflict pattern with someone where you find yourself having the same conversation every month, or so?
For example:
· You speak to someone about their habit of being late
· Their behaviour improves for a few weeks
· Then they’re late again
Consider this fair warning that you’re probably not having the conversation you need to be having!
In many cases, the real conversation lies buried beneath the surface of that repetitive (and ultimately unproductive) exchange that keeps happening. And it’s only by discussing and dealing with the true issue that its symptoms can actually change.
To help steer ritual chats toward real conversation, make sure you always go into them prepared to listen and primed to ask open-ended questions.
#2 – It’s okay to take a break and re-group.
When we think or read about difficult conversations, we often imagine them as one-time events. In reality, however, they can unfold over multiple encounters.
If a tough conversation isn’t going well, for example - and you or the other person are feeling emotional, upset, or otherwise not up to the task – it’s absolutely okay to stop, re-group, and tackle the issue again later.
All too often, leaders are hesitant about giving themselves permission to take a step back when they (or someone else) really need to. But if you don’t allow a certain amount of leeway around difficult exchanges, you risk forcing a conversation that simply won’t be effective.
Remember: you and your employee, co-worker, or colleague will both benefit from better results if you take a break and spread out a difficult conversation when it feels like the right thing to do.
#3 - Sometimes you don’t need a difficult conversation; you need to learn to deal effectively with a difficult person.
Most difficult conversations happen because a breakdown in trust between two parties has turned an otherwise normal talk into a gruelling exchange. One of the biggest misunderstandings around difficult conversations, however, is that in many cases they don’t need to happen at all!
In our micro-course Dealing with Difficult People, we bridge the gap between difficult conversations and difficult people by providing tools and strategies you can use to:
· Figure out the best way to handle difficult people at work
· Recognize your role in a conflict
· Determine which mindset shifts you can make to encourage a radically different relationship with even the most challenging colleague
As a business leader or people manager, laying the groundwork that allows others to make necessary change happen goes with the territory.
But if you need help doing the legwork that can make difficult conversations more productive - or you’re looking for a practical refresher on working through conversations you’d rather avoid - our team is here to help.
At AMWTW, we work with clients anywhere and everywhere. If you have questions, or would like to learn more about the services we offer, we’d love to hear from you!
People Management, Human Resources, Remote WorkMay 17, 2021